This week was one of those weeks when I was just in an entirely different world all week long. I came back to Earth a few select times, but most of my week was spent somewhere else emotionally and spiritually.
Unfortunately, I let it show.
Usually I try to hide how distracted I am, but this week, I guess it just wasn't possible.
Especially today.
In Life of Christ today we were talking about Jesus growing. in wisdom, stature, and in favor of God and men.
And we were talking about how he learned obedience. Not that he was disobedient, but that he was learning to be more and more obedient, so that on the day when he was asked to give up his life he could. How if it had been even one day earlier, he may not have been prepared to take that step. We talked about how obedience is progression, obedience is submitting to a greater degree with each step, and perfection is completion. Perfection is total obedience - to the point of death.
We discussed Jesus being tempted in the wilderness. Jesus needed to learn about suffering. Jesus needed to suffer that much, so that later he could suffer even more.
We talked about how true humanity is to trust in God and his faithfulness, even when it doesn't make sense. Even when we don't want to. Even when it hurts, even when we think our world is completely falling out of place. Even when everything and everyone we ever trusted lets us down.
And do you know what I started to do?
I started crying.
....
I hate being so emotional.
But with all the sufferings of other people that has been on my heart this week, I just couldn't handle it anymore.
I can't decide if it is comforting or terrifying to know that each suffering is bringing us one step closer to perfection. Perfection suddenly seems very.... hard.
Maybe it is comforting. God knows that with him, we can handle exactly what is placed before us at that exact moment. He knows that we have grown enough to fight temptation, and to overcome.
But there's no lying, it's hard.
And it is hard to watch people that you love being tested right up to their limit. And it's hard when they won't even be honest with you about it. And it's hard when you are hundreds of miles away and you can't help them at all. Not even give them a hug.
I guess you could say that's where i'm at right now.
Still emotional.
Still hurting immensely for those I love, and still a little prone to teariness.
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My Wish
Rascal Flatts
I hope the days come easy and the moments pass slow
And that each road takes you where you want to go
And if you're faced with a choice and you have to choose,
I hope you choose the one that means the most to you
And if one door opens to another door closed
I hope you keep on walking 'till you find the window
If it's cold outside, show the world the warmth of your smile
But more than anything,
more than anything -
My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to:
Your dreams stay big and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to
I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too.
This is my wish.
I hope you never look back, but you never forget
all the ones you love in the place you left.
I hope you always forgive and never regret
and that you help somebody every chance you get,
You find God's grace in every mistake,
and always give more than you take.
But more than anything,
more than anything -
My wish for you is that this life becomes all that you want it to:
Your dreams stay big and your worries stay small,
You never need to carry more than you can hold
And while you're out there getting where you're getting to
I hope you know somebody loves you and wants the same things too.
This is my wish.
Monday:
