*** This is a post I started on January 14th, and never finished. It is amazing to see how my journey this semester started, and where I am at now that it is spring break. Its very much the same. but also very different. I think its now time i finish this post.*****
January 14th, 2009:
In chapel today, we sang "Blessed Be Your Name". It has always been one of my favorite songs; its pure worship, its a song that you can sing and apply no matter what you are facing, and its just plain catchy.
And this morning, it is exactly what I needed to hear and sing.
Over break, and even these first few days of school, I've been having a hard time. I have a lot of anxiety, fear, and confusion in my life. I have been letting these plagues rule my life and make decisions for me. I've been victimizing myself because I am not getting exactly what I want.
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March 6th, 2009
Its hard to think back over this first half of the semester. I am amazed at how quickly it has seemed to pass by. It has been so full of heartbreak, stress, and anxiety, but it has also been filled with joy, hope, and love. The very best, most precious gifts always seem to come in the hardest, most trying, and emotional times.
The hardest thing i've been dealing with this semester is mood swings. I am in such a confused state of mind. I get angry because a boy broke my heart at the worst possible time. and yet i'm thankful that he did break my heart because if he were still a major part of my life, i would not have reached out to two guys who have been the best christian brothers i could ever ask for. I'm trying SO HARD to fully trust in God and to know that he is going to take care of me no matter what happens, but i am at the same time SO MAD that my dad is sick. I am so terrified at the idea of looking for a job and eventually graduating, but theres another part of me that cannot WAIT to get away and get into a new social environment.
All of this conflict is making me insane. My mood will completely change based on one look, one word, or a minor change in the weather (which in arkansas, are more frequent than i'd like). I'm having a hard time dealing with myself, and i can't imagine what it must be like for my friends.
Anyways, Thats where i'm at right now. I ask for prayers for peace and understanding. For health, spring break travel, and of thanksgiving for all the blessings that God pours out.
love.
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2 comments:
I've had plenty of mood swings of my own, too. It's just our way of processing all of the craziness in our lives right now. Just don't let being moody drive your friends away and you'll be fine. Love you!
I have learned how special the people are in my life that love me in spite of me...first and foremost my God! Cast your burdens on HIM and then don't take them back again (I know, I know...much harder than it sounds). He wants those things from you and wants your full trust that HE knows what best for your life. You know that we are praying for you, your family, and for your future. You mean so much to us and we appreciate your open heart and your willingness to do what it takes to let yourself be fully HIS!
I'm sure your friends understand and love you for who you are. Keep your chin up! Love you so much!
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